What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 13:06
Comes on , in middle age.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
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One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
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One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Why do you have to be 18+ to go live on TikTok?
She wouldn,t have been !
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
All the time i was locked up.
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I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was scared of men, in general
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
What song are you listening to right now? What does it mean to you?
I was seconnd youngest,
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
What are 50 random facts about yourself?
Who then, do I blame.?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I have a "fat pussy" and I'm super self cautions about it. Do guys think it's gross?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Is heroin really as good as people say it is?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
What did i know ?
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They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
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(And it was in our own minds.)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
How does the narcissist react when he realizes you no longer care?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
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As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Would you let your partner cheat on you every now and again?
I don,t even have a pension.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I have no regrets .
And i lived it daily.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One cannot live in the past .
I was very sick at this time too.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She loved him until the end.
When she asked me how she looked .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Put me off passion for life!!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She found it foreign!.
We all went to grammer schools
I could never make a relationship work though!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
It was going to be , some day.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She was in good health!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But it wasn’t much.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My life is so biszare .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Ive learnt so much.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Would this be the day?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We were not on the streets..
Im still living with it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I write beautiful poetry .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I think the readers, may guess!
I said to her
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But, we were locked up after school.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My family never makes their pension either.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She married twice! .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I waited trembling.
I was 9 years of age.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So, i spoilt her more .
He knew the spot.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
So whats the point in blame.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He resisted the act ,that day.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As i do to all so called friends.?
This is soul school!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I will be 64.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them